Ranking All Gatorade Flavors from Worst to Best

I am wired and bursting with energy. My electrolyte levels are so phenomenal; I could probably harness lightning like Prince Zuko. My hydration is so on point, you could traverse the Sahara atop my back. I’m convinced that my bloodstream holds the key to a cure for all illnesses. I have ascended to the status of a Gatorade deity. And my first decree? Sip on some Gatorade. Below is a sacred and definitive ranking of all classic Gatorade flavors, from least to most glorious.

14. Lime Cucumber

A bottle of Lime Cucumber Gatorade — (Gatorade)

My second decree as the Gatorade deity is to avoid Lime Cucumber, for it is pure sacrilege. This concoction is a terrible offense to the palate. My disdain for cucumber is strong, and when it’s mixed into a sports drink? It becomes utterly intolerable. I felt the need to confess this flavor’s sinfulness in a house of worship, and I am not even Catholic. That’s how majorly wrong this flavor feels to me.

13. Fierce Grape

A bottle of Fierce Grape Gatorade — (Gatorade)

Fierce Grape triggers an overwhelming urge to regurgitate. The flavor is reminiscent of a grape that has gone terribly wrong, almost like it’s been doused in cough syrup. I adore grape-flavored products generally—just look at my loyalty to Grape Fanta. But this? A resounding no. This is not grape soda, it’s absolutely not.

12. Frost Arctic Blitz

A bottle of Frost Arctic Blitz Gatorade — (Gatorade)

Frost Arctic Blitz has a flavor profile akin to kissing a chemical factory. This concoction is entirely artificial, lacking any natural essence. What even is the taste of Arctic Blitz? I’m left pondering whether I need a tongue numbing agent to survive this experience. Should NASA require a new fuel source for space exploration, the creators of Arctic Blitz would be prime candidates.

11. Strawberry Lemonade

A bottle of Strawberry Lemonade Gatorade — (Gatorade)

Sipping Strawberry Lemonade feels like a brutal assault on my taste buds, akin to being kicked by the CEO of synthetic sweeteners. This beverage is overwhelmingly sweet, and not in a delightful way. It’s like a seven-foot floral cake, suffocating my senses. However, if you have a penchant for extreme sweetness, then perhaps this will resonate with your youthful taste preferences.

10. Frost Icy Charge

A bottle of Frost Icy Charge Gatorade — (Gatorade)

After a daunting search, I finally got to try this elusive flavor. I anticipated either an extraordinary taste experience or a dreadful disaster. What I encountered was somewhere in between—an uninspired, bland flavor. It felt like a kiss devoid of chemistry. While it was hydrated, I wouldn’t outright reject it in a life-or-death desert scenario, but I certainly wouldn’t prioritize it over a simple glass of lemon water.

9. Fierce Blue Cherry

A bottle of Fierce Blue Cherry Gatorade — (Gatorade)

Upon my introduction to Fierce Blue Cherry, I wished for a transcendent flavor experience, recalling my fondness for blue raspberry, which turns even the most ordinary candy into something magnificent. However, it didn’t take me to that euphoric place. While it bore a somewhat refreshing blast of synthetic cherry flavor, it was merely adequate—a fleeting moment of satisfaction post-basketball match.

8. Frost Glacier Cherry

A bottle of Frost Glacier Cherry Gatorade — (Gatorade)

Frost Glacier Cherry offers a slight upgrade over Fierce Blue, albeit marginally. Gatorade, why don’t you craft a simple cherry flavor instead of upping the ante with precarious modifiers? This drink delivers an icy sensation that is indeed refreshing, reminiscent of drinking from a mountain spring that has been “enhanced” by a bear who’s just feasted on cherries. I mean this lightly, it’s more scientific observation than a slanderous remark.

7. Fierce Green Apple

A bottle of Fierce Green Apple Gatorade — (Gatorade)

Now we’re approaching something exciting. Fierce Green Apple bears an almost radioactive appearance and a taste to match. If this flavor had been available in Marie Curie’s era, her discovery of radiation would have taken far less time. The synthetic nature of this drink is on par with my expectations, making me feel delightfully electrified. Next grocery trip? I’ll bring a Geiger counter to locate this flavor.

6. Cool Blue

A bottle of Cool Blue Gatorade — (Gatorade)

Cool Blue stands out as a classic. What is it? It’s simply blue. No extra features, just straightforward enjoyment; it embodies the world’s most popular color. Science has shown that blue reigns supreme. Perhaps Cool Blue is the beverage equivalent, but like the color, it leaves a hint of longing for a more intense flavor experience. Nonetheless, it remains a commendable option.

5. Riptide Rush

A bottle of Riptide Rush Gatorade — (Gatorade)

Riptide Rush commands my respect. Gatorade’s naming team could’ve taken the easier route with a name like Fast Grape, but instead, they dared to be different. Packed with electrolytes, Riptide Rush carries a briny essence akin to the ocean yet tastes more lavender-than-literal grape. The description may sound flowery, yet this flavor truly deserves elaborate prose reflecting its rich hue.

4. Frost Glacier Freeze

A bottle of Frost Glacier Freeze Gatorade — (Gatorade)

Frost Glacier Freeze evokes memories of an artsy gum commercial—peculiar yet fascinating. Its berry flavor is an enigma that doesn’t require deciphering; it’s been crafted in a way by the Gatorade Gods that is pure and delightful. Enjoying this concoction feels as if your taste buds have ventured to a serene forest in Sweden, where everything is still and tranquil. Does frostbite threaten? You remain blissfully unbothered.

3. Orange

A bottle of Orange Gatorade — (Gatorade)

Orange—a timeless classic, a cornerstone of the Gatorade lineup. Remember that space probe with golden records sent by NASA in hopes of connecting with extraterrestrials? They should have included a bottle of Orange Gatorade to signify humanity’s athletic triumphs. Anyone who has engaged in sports has tasted this nectar and felt grateful for it. It’s as iconic as those enticing morning commercials for orange juice.

2. Lemon Lime

A bottle of Lemon Lime Gatorade — (Gatorade)

Lemon Lime reigns supreme whether mixed in with gin or enjoyed straight after a long night. This isn’t just any sports beverage; it embodies sunshine itself. It evokes memories of a quaint lemonade stand on a scorching summer afternoon. Simple yet delightful—it’s unpretentiously perfect.

1. Fruit Punch

A bottle of Fruit Punch Gatorade — (Gatorade)

Fruit Punch is akin to a heavenly impact to the tongue. It stands tall as the pinnacle of Gatorade flavors; Everest, stripped of all icy remnants. It boldly claims the title of the quintessential Gatorade experience. Just by glancing at that bottle of vibrant red liquid, you instinctively know its essence—sweet, fruity, refreshing, and utterly magnificent.

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