If you’ve stumbled upon this article expecting a celebration of cinematic excellence, prepare to be disappointed. This piece solely focuses on films so horrifyingly bad that they risk ruining your faith in cinema as a whole. Here, we unveil the rankings of the absolute worst movies ever created.
10. Suicide Squad
Suicide Squad is technically a better production than many others on this list, but that’s akin to claiming a pizza topped with pests is superior to one smeared with animal excrement. While it may be unpleasant, at least it won’t kill you. Personally, I harbor a grudge against this disastrous flick, often deemed the lowest point of the DC Universe. I regretfully watched this cinematic nightmare twice; it’s devoid of a coherent storyline, frantically stitched together by horrendous editing, crumbling under its own attempt at edgy storytelling. Viewing this movie is reminiscent of enduring the most cringe-worthy moments of Spider-Man 3, only if it were exclusively focused on Peter Parker’s awkward dance sequence.
9. The Room
The Room stands as an absolute spectacle of bad filmmaking, notorious for being hailed as the ultimate “so-bad-it’s-good” film. It’s akin to the discomfort of a dental procedure, where the gas makes it bearable and perhaps even entertaining. The melodrama lacks coherence, with the furniture putting in more effort than the actual cast. At least the cabinets fulfill their role as wooden props.
8. Troll 2
Troll 2 may be a chaotic mess, yet it provides a bizarre charm that keeps audiences entertained. A group of youngsters embarks on a camping adventure (the specifics are irrelevant) and confronts trolls that resemble peculiar old-age home residents. Incredibly, I’m not convinced there even exists a Troll 1, which shares as much relevance to this plot as Donald Trump does to reality. In other words, not much.
7. Birdemic
Birdemic offers an experience as pleasant as having a bird drop a present right on your face. The narrative involves a bizarre phenomenon transforming ordinary birds into lethal predators. It eerily mirrors Hitchcock’s The Birds, as if the filmmaker deliberately set out to create the worst version of a timeless classic. The poorly animated avians launch attacks on a band of survivors, who possess all the charisma of a bag of soggy potatoes.
6. Ax ‘Em
Ax ‘Em might be the last film on this list that some would consider “entertaining,” provided you have a particular fondness for the masochistic indulgences typically reserved for extreme situations. This film’s absurdly illogical storyline obliterates any semblance of rational thought. We follow a group of friends heading to the woods, only to encounter a serial killer. Sound quality is horrendous, making dialogue indistinguishable—whether it’s them screaming or me is a blurry line.
5. Freddy Got Fingered
The early 2000s were already plagued by enough cultural dreariness without the addition of this cinematic blight. Freddy Got Fingered encapsulates the worst elements of that decade. It’s crude, ignorant, and devoid of humor, revolving around a talentless animator who falsely accuses his father of abusing his younger brother— and that’s meant to be comedic. This awkward premise undoubtedly ended Tom Green’s directorial career.
4. Jaws: The Revenge
Jaws: The Revenge manages to snatch defeat from the jaws of success, stitching together a grotesque version of the legendary great white shark from the original film. Efforts to recapture the magic of Spielberg’s classic result in a film that’s nothing more than a disaster. It’s a dim reflection, devoid of any brilliance of its predecessor, and best left in the shadows of obscurity.
3. The Hottie and the Nottie
The Hottie and the Nottie was Paris Hilton’s desperate bid for acting notoriety. The premise is exactly as advertised; Paris portrays the attractive lead who won’t date the ordinary hero until her sister “the Nottie” finds love too. As the protagonist gets to know June, he develops feelings for her in a shallow rendering of “true beauty lies within.” This supposedly heartwarming narrative takes a disappointing turn when June undergoes a stereotypical makeover, transforming into a physically appealing character at the end. It is a shallow, vacuous, and futile endeavor.
2. Super Babies, Baby Geniuses 2
I wouldn’t be surprised if Super Babies, Baby Geniuses 2 is forced upon Satan in his frozen lair at the depths of hell. This sequel (yes, they made another one) to the abysmal Super Babies involves four infants with superpowers attempting to thwart a tech mogul’s ambitions of world domination. Honestly, I’d prefer the villain to succeed rather than has Earth endure such a cinematic catastrophe. Let the planet’s resources dwindle, and turn cities to dust; it wouldn’t be an injustice for a world that produced this travesty.
1. The Birth of a Nation
I implore classic film critics to finally recognize the horror that is Birth of a Nation. Its status as “cinematically revolutionary” on its release and as a box office giant doesn’t redeem it. This film grotesquely presents the Ku Klux Klan as heroic figures, distorting the truth of one of America’s most horrific eras. There’s nothing valuable about this film; it’s a dismal portrayal of a dark chapter in history, and the attempts by modern critics to justify it only add insult to injury. This film is essentially a festering wound on the landscape of cinema, demanding to be eliminated from the collective consciousness.
(Featured Image: Chloe Productions/TPW Films)
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